Just a lost soul searching for meaning in this world, while I wonder hopelessly in love with the world I live. I love to travel, and try new things, I refuse to admit that I am a hopeless romantic, but I really am.
I need you to be the McDreamy to my Meredith. All of the conversations, teaching, drawing, love, and terrible fights. But in the same turn, I want you to be the Auggie to my Annie. Someone that will always have my back, and not question when I make impulsive decisions. I need you to be the Hunt to my Yang. Someone that knows that I’m really fantastic at my job, but will still tell me about how I made the right decision, even if I know it was. I need you to be the Harvey to my Donna. Let me remind, plan, and do things for you, because I know how you tick and you know how I tick.
I need you like I need air, and I hate it. I hate how talking to you makes me hurt and miss you. And I hate how not talking with you makes me feel the same way.
I hate not being in New York with you. Because that hurts too. I hate being in New York with you too, because that hurts just as much as not being there. I hate that you don’t talk with me, even when I see you hurting. And I hate that I just open up the flood gates, and tell you my darkest secrets.
I hate to remember the long, tight, and loving hug that you gave me 2 months ago, because you didn’t know when we were going to see each other again. And I hate to admit how much I loved that hug. And even when I wanted and tried to pull away, you pulled me closer. And I hate that before I left, you gave me another hug, just like that one.
And I hate that when I walked out, after returning my keys, and spending time with you, that I started crying. And I hate that you can’t say that you miss me. You can say how ‘we’ miss me, or that ‘New York’ really misses me, but not that you miss me. I hate that you are 1,706.92 miles away from me, and I hate that I know that number. I hate that thoughts of you keep me up at night, and I hate that thoughts of me don’t keep you up. I hate how the songs make sense with you, but I know that ‘us’ will never happen. And I hate that when I told you that I needed to video chat with you, you went to a private place, just so that we could have time together.
I hate that when I told you I won’t be back when I was planning, because my body is revolting, you were’t actually with me to give the hug that you so desperately wanted to give. I hate that when I get back to the city, you will still be with your girlfriend. I hate how much I need you. And I hate that no matter how mad I get, you will always be my what if.
"You enchant me even when you’re not around
If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down”
There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.
Season 7 Episode 22 of Grey’s Anatomy